IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

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There’s a ghost driving a riding mower around my yard
and it would be useful except that the mower is also a ghost
and all it does is make noise as it drives around and around in my yard
but it doesn’t actually cut any grass.

Somehow I’m the only one who ever gets woken up
by the ghost on the riding mower, my husband sleeps right through it
although once, in his sleep, he muttered “thank you” when the mower started up
because I think he was dreaming that someone else was doing his chores for him
someone else was mowing the lawn for a change.

It doesn’t help that my husband is so good about keeping up with the lawn
because when I try to tell people about the ghost in my yard, the ghost lawn mower
they always look at the lawn and say something about how useful the ghost is
how they wish they had a ghost in their yard that would mow their lawn
because our ghost does such a good job, and I try to tell them

it’s my husband that actually mows the lawn, the ghost doesn’t do anything
except make a whole lot of noise,
but every time I try to explain this
everyone just gets confused.